


Seul, mais pas seul

by Aston (AstonT)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen or Pre-Slash, I'll leave it to you guys to decide if they're together at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 04:10:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12856452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstonT/pseuds/Aston
Summary: Their beginning was memorable in the form of once they met, everything either went right or it went down in flames. There was no in between for them.





	Seul, mais pas seul

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another story that I wrote because of the roleplay group (kinda anyway)  
> This time, it was just they put me in a kind of fluff-based mood and I wanted to write.

**_“Today is a winding road that’s taken me to places that I didn’t want to go.”_ **

The day that they met, Tsukishima hadn’t actually planned to go through the park to get home - he never did, he just wanted to avoid being near  _ people  _ and get home. 

So of course, his brain processing that there were people wasn’t something that made him happy. 

Even less so when it registered that he had stumbled across people bullying someone. 

He was careful not to meet any of their eyes as he spoke, then continued on his way - it wasn’t his business, he didn’t  _ care _ . 

He didn’t want this in his life, because that meant being social and that was something he didn’t want. 

But he did notice the look of either wonder or thankfulness flicker across a tear-stained face. 

That made it a little more worth it. 

 

He didn’t say anything about it when he got home, but Akiteru called him out on his behavior. 

“What did you walk into this time, Kei?”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, but smiled at Akiteru nonetheless. “Nothing, Nii-chan,” he commented, disappearing to his room once his shoes were off and out of the way. 

 

That one choice, though, changed everything, and Tsukishima knew it the next time he bumped into Yamaguchi - he couldn’t complain. At least the smaller boy was nice to be around instead of exhaustively annoying. 

* * *

 

**_“Today, in the blink of an eye, I’m holding onto something and I do not know why, I tried.”_ **

The funny things about becoming friends with Yamaguchi was  _ he hadn’t meant to.  _ It just followed naturally. 

He felt safe being how he was at home when he was with Yamaguchi and it didn’t make sense.

Holding onto something like this was hard, and he knew it, it was exactly why he didn’t have friends before. 

Because the effort of holding onto someone wasn’t  _ worth  _ it. 

So it struck him as strange when two months had passed and he realized he was actively trying to hold onto his friendship with Yamaguchi.  He didn’t know why, but as he listened to Yamaguchi laugh at a lame joke that he’d said out of the need to have some sort of sound, he didn’t care to either. 

* * *

 

**_“I tried to read between the lines, I tried to look in your eyes. I want a simple explanation for what I’m feeling inside.”_ **

With the revelation that he was trying came the fear that it wasn’t going to be enough. 

Which was ridiculous and infuriatingly pathetic and he  _ hated it so much.  _

Because Yamaguchi never said anything that had double meanings, but he kept looking for them regardless. 

Because he had no reason to be so scared, he could tell it was all sincere, but it wouldn’t register. 

It didn’t make sense. 

Yamaguchi was kind enough to stick through it, and that made it worse because Tsukishima knew this wasn’t fair to him. 

He didn’t understand why he was so panicked now when just a couple months ago, he couldn’t have cared less. 

Time didn’t make those feelings stop. If anything, they made them worse because Yamaguchi was kind and Tsukishima knew he wasn’t and the other deserved so much better. 

He stopped being able to meet Yamaguchi’s eyes as they talked together two weeks after he started trying to explain to himself why he felt so damn inadequate. 

He still tried, sometimes, and sometimes he even managed - “ _ do you want to come with me?”  _ in reference to Karasuno’s upcoming volleyball game, for example.

But it didn’t feel as natural as it had before. 

* * *

 

**_“Today’s a winding road, tell me where to start and tell me something I don’t know.”_ **

He had to admit, his favorite thing about Yamaguchi was how grounding the other was. 

He never quite managed to stay so calm when he was away from his best friend, he never knew where to start for anything. 

Especially when it involved being around so many people when he was feeling this excited. 

He was  _ finally  _ going to get to see Akiteru play again, of course he was excited!

So having Yamaguchi there was nice. It told him where he was going, where he was meant to begin and exactly what he was supposed to be doing. 

It was calming. 

But it didn’t stay that way. 

Another favorite thing about Yamaguchi: he knew when people hit their limits and when it was time to just  _ leave _ . 

It was him that pulled Tsukishima from the stands, away from the look of betrayal in honey-colored eyes, away from the situation. 

Because for once, pretending it didn’t happen wasn’t going to work, but ignoring it until they couldn’t was definitely still an option. 

Of things Tsukishima had learned with Yamaguchi by his side, this was the first that left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and left him feeling empty and broken. 

“It’ll be okay, I’m sure he has a reason!” Yamaguchi assured him as they left the gym. 

_ It’ll  _ be _ okay.  _ Tsukishima appreciated that he hadn’t been told that it was okay, because nothing was at that point. 

And besides, that was a nicer lesson to learn - that everything would be okay eventually, even if it wasn’t right then. 

* * *

 

**_“Today, I’m on my own, I can’t move a muscle and I can’t pick up the phone.”_ **

Immediately following finding out that Akiteru had lied to him, Tsukishima effectively cut himself off from everyone. 

He didn’t leave his room for much of anything - school, generally taking care of himself, but nothing else. 

Even then, most of his meals were had in his room. 

Yamaguchi showed up to see him when he started missing school. 

“I tried calling, but your mom said you weren’t wanting to talk,”

Tsukishima turned to look at Yamaguchi then before he flopped back into his side on his bed. “Go away,”

He knew it wasn’t going to work, but it was worth a try. 

Yamaguchi at least understood he didn’t want to talk. Or move. Or exist. 

So he just sat beside him, carding gentle fingers through too-messy, slightly curly blond hair and let the silence settle between them. 

It was gentle and exactly what he needed, and Tsukishima added another note to the ever-growing list of favorite things about Yamaguchi. 

He let him be alone without actually feeling lonely. 

* * *

 

**_“I need to step outside just to see if I can breathe.”_ **

After that, they started spending more time outside - at that park where they first met, in the school yard of their middle school, just anywhere outside away from people. 

Yamaguchi seemed to understand that he’d started feeling suffocated around people now that he was on edge, and it was just adding to the list - his best friend was protective in a way he wasn’t familiar with and it made him  _ happy  _ to know he had someone like that in his life. 

* * *

 

**_“I think we’ll make it out, you just gotta give me time.”_ **

Their first actual fight left both of them destroyed. They’d done so well to avoid arguing since becoming friends - it was always kept to small quips and some silence and they were back to normal the next day. 

But this time, it was a lot worse. 

Heated words, both of them yelling,  _ nothing  _ went right. 

The silence that followed Yamaguchi snapping “ _ This  _ is why Akiteru-kun lied to you! You get too worked up over stupid things!” was deafening. 

They separated not long after, Tsukishima not able to look at Yamaguchi as he stumbled over the easy words of “I’ll see you tomorrow”, and Yamaguchi trying to apologize but the words falling on deaf ears. 

The next morning, Yamaguchi waited for him in the park, and Tsukishima met his gaze for a moment before looking away with a scoff. 

“Are we okay?” Yamaguchi asked after a brief moment of hesitant silence. 

Tsukishima’s eyes went back to Yamaguchi and he shrugged. “We’ll be fine, just give me some time.” he commented. 

_ I don’t hate you for what you said, because we both know it’s true,  _ he added mentally.  _ It just hurt to hear it from  _ you.

The words never came out, and maybe that was for the best. 

* * *

 

**_“Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer, do you know you’re unlike any other?”_ **

The summer before their first year of high school, Tsukishima started wearing his headphones everywhere for when he got tired of being social, of having to try to play nice with idiots, and Yamaguchi understood. 

He didn’t even question it when Tsukishima started pulling his headphones on randomly, turning music on until it was loud and clear to people who didn’t have the headphones on. 

It wasn’t good quality, because the headphones were horrible, but it was better than nothing, so Tsukishima couldn’t complain. 

In light of this information, Yamaguchi started sharing music suggestions when Tsukishima started looking bored of what he was listening to. 

And after that, he started noticing that instead of immediately going for the headphones, he started looking to Yamaguchi instead - it had scared him half to death the first time, but the quiet request to just  _ talk  _ had settled him. 

He didn’t do this to anyone else, even his family members - his mom had learned to call Yamaguchi if Tsukishima wouldn’t pull his headphones down, and it would fix the situation; Akiteru was often the  _ reason  _ so he didn’t help. 

Yamaguchi said nothing when Tsukishima asked over the phone if he could send voice recordings. 

He still got an explanation. 

_ “Music isn’t helping anymore, and hearing you talk is nice when I don’t want to hear what’s going on.” _

And that was the biggest compliment that Yamaguchi had ever gotten from Tsukishima, so he just did as he had been asked and felt content in the knowledge that it helped. 


End file.
